I can't believe it's been a month since I blogged. I am up to my ears in cupcakes (this is good) and housecleaning for an upcoming visit from eldest son Rod (this is also good). He and Lucy don't care if my house has been cleaned, but I do.
Interesting that in my last post, I wrote about anger. I had a melt-down on graduation day, but not until evening when I was driving to Trina's house for supper. I did just fine at commencement; I would think, "LeRoy would have loved that song" and "He would have been so proud of Sammy." We had a wonderful day (and great reception the day before) with friends, family, food and fellowship.
As I drove that evening, I just got angrier and angrier. How dare cancer keep LeRoy from sharing in the joy of this day? His first grandchild's graduation from high school! He was not 105 years old. He was 70. I just feel cheated, and most of all, I feel that he was cheated.
It is often said that we need to air these rants and that we will feel better afterwards. I don't know if that's true, but my family came through for me and we even ended up having a riotous game of dominoes that evening. Laughter is truly good for the soul.
Meanwhile, Mother's Day was completely beautiful - I heard the voices of all four kids between Saturday and Monday, and received way too much in the way of cards and gifts. What a bunch of sweeties.
Tomorrow I will drive back to Fort Meade for the memorial service for all veterans who were in their hospice unit last year. There will be names read, honor given, a meal shared. I am looking forward to seeing the amazing people who took such good care of LeRoy for 10 weeks.
So, you can see I am "recovering" as I journey through this thing called grief. I do look up. I do hear his voice. Even more frequently, I hear His voice. Keep looking up!
