Ah, the Christmas season. I love it. What I need, though, is an early warning system for when a "trigger" is going to hit me with more emotion than I can contain. It seems to find its way down my cheeks.
Yesterday I was cleaning the refrigerator, of all mundane tasks, and found the dish of cinnamon honey butter. This was LeRoy's very favorite thing to put on his toast. Food doesn't usually make a person cry, but the associations certainly do.
I was having a blue day anyway, what with frustrations: the failure of medical people to call me back with a much-needed specialist appointment; a business person who chose to talk down to me and make me feel really stupid. I don't do well when people make me feel stupid. As a dear friend pointed out when I was blubbering away about this, I have lost my adviser. It's all well and good to learn to make decisions without your partner's input, but sometimes it's just overwhelming.
The roads were so awful we could not drive the 80 miles to our funeral home's memorial service. I was so looking forward to putting LeRoy's ornament on their tree. It's a little ceramic doctor coat with his name on it. I was pretty disappointed, but the weather made the whole idea just not worth the risk.
On a happier note, I have put up our tree in a different spot. Time to start some new or slightly different traditions. I am enjoying decorating the house, and instead of a marathon, I'm doing it gradually.
My calendar for today has a wonderful quote. It's from Henry Van Dyke: "Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."
Wise words. Keep looking up!
Stay strong Kathy. Hugs
ReplyDeleteI have had two beautiful dreams this week about visiting you and Leroy. When people invade my dreams, it is usually a sign for me to be in prayer over them and I certainly have been praying for you, my friend. I know what it's like to have moments hit you like that with the passing of a friend so I cannot even imagine the many many memories and moments that can trigger emotions regarding a spouse's death. Praying you up, up, up!!! One of my new favorite quotes is "We will survive so we can testify". You have already testified to the strength and courage the Lord has provided for you. You are amazing!
ReplyDelete